Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
