I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
