I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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