I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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