Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
