Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
