How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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