Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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