I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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