First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
