Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
