can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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