You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
