Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
