Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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