I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
