Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
