god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
