Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
