Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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