Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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