Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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