I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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