Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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