i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
