yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
