And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There r osticjed everywhere
Less talking, more tequila
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
