I think my fart just growled at me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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