Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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