Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
