So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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