You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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