Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
