Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
