did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
