her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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