No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
