I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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