Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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