while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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