gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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