Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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