he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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