I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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