I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize