blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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