I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize