I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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