How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
