SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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