I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
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One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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