She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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