hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
