My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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