Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
