so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
